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The spill of Lyric in the mids of an anxiety attack

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Lyric:
It's 1:34 AM, 7/1/15, Wednesday. And i'm having an anxiety attack.
Over what may you ask?
Myself
I've been having really bad ones lately but the last two have had reason. This was because I as on my phone which I think made my friend leave. Which is fucking terrifying.
My biggest fear in life is to loose the things I love and this is one thing to fuck everything up.
I started thinking; Ya know I really fucking hate myself.
I can't help but think of how much, I don't want to be here despite what position I am. I have my dream job right in front of me, so many friends, an amazing boyfriend whom I love so much but i'm on my phone constantly and I don't know why.
I fucking hate that I do it and it tares me apart.
I need to stop.
I have to stop.
What if I loose the things I love because of this.
Why does he love me so much when he's so much smarter than me?
How can he love a girl with a C average in school.
I want to be smarter but I physically, cannot be.
It's literally impossible for me to be smart.
Damn, I say the stupidest things in the entire world.
I want to be mute by choice but i'm so fucking loud.
My fucking god I want this ADD To go away more than anything so I can be fucking smart.
Why was I the one in the entire family to be given pale skin, blue eyes, and NOT fucking intelligence.
Why am I the one with depression.
I want a well paying job like my siblings.
I want to have no care about anything but instead that's all I do is care and what happens in the end? I end up getting fucking hurt.
I want the same stomach I have last year but instead I can't sit without standing up and noticing lines from my rolls. I know i'm skinny, I know i'm over exaggerating because people think i'm anorexic but all. I see. Is how fat I am. All I see are my flaws.
God why am I so stupid.
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I get Asleep by The Smiths off repeat because all it's doing is making me upset.
Why can I not sleep at night?
Why can't I be smart enough to get into a really good college.
Why did I barley get through freshman year?
Why did I loose all my friends at the start of it?
Why do I look attractive on some days and at one. angle. ever.
Why am I SO UGLY
WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING
WHY CAN'T I STOP LOOKING AT THAT GOD DAMN RAZOR AND LUSTING THE CUT OF IT SO FUCKING BADLY THAT IM SHAKING
Why
Can't I be comfortable
in
my
own
skin..

Why, am I not okay, with just, being, me.

It's 1:45 AM now, and I can't seem to wonder, why am I still here.

Thank you..

RaivenWings:
Lyric... ><; Oh hun.

I've never had such bad anxiety but I've seen it in my mother and in some of my best friends. I have periods where I'll get overly anxious, but thankfully not as intense as some. I do, however, understand a lot about suffering from ADD and depression. From poor grades, not thinking there's anything good about yourself, and not understanding why you were delt the shit cards in life. I've been there.

I remember having some of these same fears to a lesser extent when I was younger. I'm still young, and still have shit cards in my hand, but soon you'll come to realize that there is so much more to life than the angst of your highschool (and college) years. That sounds corny and cheesy, I know, but there really is. A lot of things you can look back on and realize that, no matter how incredibly horrible they seem now, many of these issues won't matter later. Or, if they do, you'll have learned to see them coming and know how to act to prevent yourself from having panic attacks or dark thoughts.

A lot of what I want to say sounds cliche and trite, but know you can always throw me a message if you need to, on here or on skype if need be. Just believe me when I say you are not the only one. You're not alone with these feelings. And just know that it'll pass.

Lyric:
Thank you Raiv, that actually means a lot. <3

faun:
Ok I know I'm just a "fucking stupid 14 years old girl, who knows nothing about REAL stuff" as many people say but I'm gonna say all this anyway. Do I have ADD? No. Do I have depression? I really don't know at times. But still I know how hard it must be for you.
I have many friends who tell me all about college and highschool so I understand it's a really hard time for you. But there is so much more. I know how it feels to look at yourself and only see a horrible and ugly person. But that's not true. I know you are not that, you never were and never will be. Everyone is amazing in many different ways and you sure are aswell. You will deal with all problems that life gives you. I know you will, you have to know you will.
These times are always hard but one day it will be worth the among of "pain" college and highschool is.
I'm so fricking cliche it hurts, I know. But really, I don't know you that much but I still can't stand to so you like this so I wanna see you smile right now, yes right when you read that and tell yourself that it's gonna be alright.
If you need to talk I'm always here for ya Lyr~

Lyric:

--- Quote from: UltimateCreations on July 01, 2015, 06:03:25 PM ---I wanna see you smile right now, yes right when you read that and tell yourself that it's gonna be alright.

--- End quote ---
I got the biggest grin on my face you have no idea, you're so sweet Ulti thank you so much, that really does mean a lot to me. You have no idea.
I'm here for you too. <3

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