The spill of Lyric in the mids of an anxiety attack

[Lyric]

It's 1:34 AM, 7/1/15, Wednesday. And i'm having an anxiety attack.
Over what may you ask?
Myself
I've been having really bad ones lately but the last two have had reason. This was because I as on my phone which I think made my friend leave. Which is fucking terrifying.
My biggest fear in life is to loose the things I love and this is one thing to fuck everything up.
I started thinking; Ya know I really fucking hate myself.
I can't help but think of how much, I don't want to be here despite what position I am. I have my dream job right in front of me, so many friends, an amazing boyfriend whom I love so much but i'm on my phone constantly and I don't know why.
I fucking hate that I do it and it tares me apart.
I need to stop.
I have to stop.
What if I loose the things I love because of this.
Why does he love me so much when he's so much smarter than me?
How can he love a girl with a C average in school.
I want to be smarter but I physically, cannot be.
It's literally impossible for me to be smart.
Damn, I say the stupidest things in the entire world.
I want to be mute by choice but i'm so fucking loud.
My fucking god I want this ADD To go away more than anything so I can be fucking smart.
Why was I the one in the entire family to be given pale skin, blue eyes, and NOT fucking intelligence.
Why am I the one with depression.
I want a well paying job like my siblings.
I want to have no care about anything but instead that's all I do is care and what happens in the end? I end up getting fucking hurt.
I want the same stomach I have last year but instead I can't sit without standing up and noticing lines from my rolls. I know i'm skinny, I know i'm over exaggerating because people think i'm anorexic but all. I see. Is how fat I am. All I see are my flaws.
God why am I so stupid.
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I get Asleep by The Smiths off repeat because all it's doing is making me upset.
Why can I not sleep at night?
Why can't I be smart enough to get into a really good college.
Why did I barley get through freshman year?
Why did I loose all my friends at the start of it?
Why do I look attractive on some days and at one. angle. ever.
Why am I SO UGLY
WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING
WHY CAN'T I STOP LOOKING AT THAT GOD DAMN RAZOR AND LUSTING THE CUT OF IT SO FUCKING BADLY THAT IM SHAKING
Why
Can't I be comfortable
in
my
own
skin..

Why, am I not okay, with just, being, me.

It's 1:45 AM now, and I can't seem to wonder, why am I still here.

Thank you..

[RaivenWings]

Lyric... ><; Oh hun.

I've never had such bad anxiety but I've seen it in my mother and in some of my best friends. I have periods where I'll get overly anxious, but thankfully not as intense as some. I do, however, understand a lot about suffering from ADD and depression. From poor grades, not thinking there's anything good about yourself, and not understanding why you were delt the shit cards in life. I've been there.

I remember having some of these same fears to a lesser extent when I was younger. I'm still young, and still have shit cards in my hand, but soon you'll come to realize that there is so much more to life than the angst of your highschool (and college) years. That sounds corny and cheesy, I know, but there really is. A lot of things you can look back on and realize that, no matter how incredibly horrible they seem now, many of these issues won't matter later. Or, if they do, you'll have learned to see them coming and know how to act to prevent yourself from having panic attacks or dark thoughts.

A lot of what I want to say sounds cliche and trite, but know you can always throw me a message if you need to, on here or on skype if need be. Just believe me when I say you are not the only one. You're not alone with these feelings. And just know that it'll pass.

[Lyric]

Thank you Raiv, that actually means a lot. <3

[faun]

Ok I know I'm just a "fucking stupid 14 years old girl, who knows nothing about REAL stuff" as many people say but I'm gonna say all this anyway. Do I have ADD? No. Do I have depression? I really don't know at times. But still I know how hard it must be for you.
I have many friends who tell me all about college and highschool so I understand it's a really hard time for you. But there is so much more. I know how it feels to look at yourself and only see a horrible and ugly person. But that's not true. I know you are not that, you never were and never will be. Everyone is amazing in many different ways and you sure are aswell. You will deal with all problems that life gives you. I know you will, you have to know you will.
These times are always hard but one day it will be worth the among of "pain" college and highschool is.
I'm so fricking cliche it hurts, I know. But really, I don't know you that much but I still can't stand to so you like this so I wanna see you smile right now, yes right when you read that and tell yourself that it's gonna be alright.
If you need to talk I'm always here for ya Lyr~

[Lyric]

I wanna see you smile right now, yes right when you read that and tell yourself that it's gonna be alright.

I got the biggest grin on my face you have no idea, you're so sweet Ulti thank you so much, that really does mean a lot to me. You have no idea.
I'm here for you too. <3

[Neeva]

Aww, sweetie.
I mean
I'm not the perfect human alive myself, and not wishing to.
Lyric, don't be sad. ^^ I actually think you're a sweet, lovely, fluffy /humansarefluffy?/ friendly girl who only needs a bunch of people capable of understanding her feelings.
Don't worry, I'm experienced with this kind of pain. But, I got over it, not simply, but I did.
Think like that:

"God loves every of his creations. He can't give them more than they can bare. Everyone is talented on something, and as well as having some weak points. Everyone is unique. If we were all the same, life would be far too boring."

And, if it's helping you in a way or other, I've also been a depressive person. That, until I met someone who understands me, who also had similar problems and... We got along and we're like sisters <3.
I know, I know, I'm talking like I'm perfect, happy and everything. I'm not. But I'm still trying. I'm insecure, social awkward, anti social and shy.
Yes, I said it; But if you'll ever feel alone, depressed, sad... let me know. I'll be here if you need someone. <3 Skype, Kik, PM... Any is just fine to me.

Believe in yourself! You're really nice and lovely!
I wish I had friends like you.
-Hugs.- <3

IhopeIdidn'tmakeitworsebymylovelysocialawkwardpersona. /Sobs/

[jengatower]

I don't think it's really appropriate to post stuff like this on this forum...

It's not like I'm insensitive. I get anxiety attacks pretty often myself. Although I think this is too personal for a forum about a game.

[Lyric]

Neevaaaaaaa, thank you so much that's so sweet of you.
I'll be sure to keep you in mind next time I go through one of these. It's really relaxing to hear this.
It means so much you don't even know.

As for Kelsey, This is the only place I have to put stuff. My family resides on this game and I needed help, so I branched out to my family for help.

[jengatower]

As for Kelsey, This is the only place I have to put stuff. My family resides on this game and I needed help, so I branched out to my family for help.

I understand completely. There's no need to get offended by my comment. It's just that mentioning this publicly on this forum seems a little... inappropriate. Especially since it mentions self-harm. Some people are sensitive to that topic, and I don't really want to hear any of it myself.

I'm not trying to hurt you. I am very sorry you have to go through this, I really am. But mentioning this publicly on a forum about a game is not a good thing to do?? This forum is not your personal diary, honestly saying. If you would like help, PM your friends about this instead of voicing your personal problems for everyone to hear, making everyone worry. I'm not trying to be mean or a "troll", it's just that due to personal experience I don't think this is necessary to post on this forum.

Above all, I really hope you get better really soon, and please don't hurt yourself. You're amazing and wanted, and you have friends that care about you. This is only temporary, things will get much better over time. Trust me.

[Lyric]

Thank you for the support of course, very sweet of you and it's wonderful to know you care.
And I also completely understand the view you're coming from as this is a public forum.
I just needed to put my thoughts into a post that would somewhat make me feel better, if that makes sense. I'm sorry if this offended you what so ever.

[MaxieMemelord]

Don't worry Lyr, sometimes I really fucking hate the waste of fucking flesh that is myself and feel the same way too.

[Venadryl]

Agh I'm late to this but

We all sometimes fucking hate ourselves and we feel like we are literally the most shitty person to ever stand on planet earth. I know what anxiety feels like... I've felt it before but please just listen to me when I say that you are beautiful and just amazing and you can be as great as you want yourself to be

and sometimes i overthink life and i think about what i would seem like if things were different and i wasn't the dumbass that i usually am and i think about what im going to do in the future and why im even here

but ya know what

life is so fucking cruel

its so long and terrible but yet its the most beautiful thing ever and you have to take it one step at a time

one day at a time
one week at a time
one month at a time

and you need to remind yourself that this is you, this is your life. everything is gonna be okay i promise and you have to know that everyone hates themselves but eventually we learn to love ourselves but you have to know that if you live your life admiring others and wishing you were them then youll never go anywhere and it will be almost like you never existed

just remind yourself that you are you and you are special and perfect in every way and nO ONE CAN STOP THAT OKAY

please dont hurt yourself because you would be damaging the amazing person you are and i really cant watch people do that to themselves

im sorry that  this is so long  and r eally sloppy
i was writing this at 1:51 am so idk but i fell asleep and im posting this now
<3

[Lyric]

Vevnevnenvnvenev I love you so much thank you, that all really means so much.  You have no idea how much you've done for me. You're honestly one of the sweetest people i've ever met.

And thank you once again to everyone all your words mean so much to me. You're all the reason i'm still here.

Thank you for sticking around <3